Ready and Waiting

The rest of the story....
So I thought I'd take some time during 1. naptime and 2. the stagnant, waiting for passports and fingerprints time to go back to the beginning and explain how we came to be at this juncture.   Scroll down ahead of time so you know what you're getting into.  While it is a good story, it is not a short one.  Grab a juice box, you're gonna be here for awhile. 

Chris and I were married in 2006.  I came into the marriage with one son from my initial marriage who was about six months old when Chris and I started dating.  He was 15 months when we married so Chris is Daddy to him.  I started talking about adoption right from the get go.  Chris knew it was in my blood and future plans.  We had one son who was born in 2007 and the plan was to adopt the next one.  Surprise! Another son in 2009 and then we finish school and move from Boston to Idaho with all intentions of adopting the next child for sure this time.  Chris had wanted to put a couple years in between our bio kids and the next one so we could "do that well" and then be more open for older children without upsetting birth order.  I was down with that idea but inside I knew I wanted it to happen sooner.  I asked Chris if he would be open to at least praying about it together and letting the Lord know that we were up for the challenge and that we welcomed his instruction on how to make it happen.  Chris said he was more than happy to do that.
  Then another Surprise!  this time we're expecting a girl and due in February of 2012.  I went through some pregnancy blues this time around until I convinced myself that we are adopting from the Lord and that this child is obviously meant to be in our family.   So I was bummed a. that we were again expecting rather than adopting and 2. that our plans to be a family of five for some time was now out the window.  Then I realized if this pregnancy, unexpected as it was can be a welcomed addition to our family, why not an adoption?  Why does an adoption have to be so perfectly planned out and timed but a pregnancy just happens and that's okay?  Finances, right?  I know what you're thinking.  Still where there is a will there's a way.
    I've spent years looking into all types of adoption (this was all while we were in dental school -no I didn't go but I invested in the effort so we both say "we").  I looked into trans-racial adoption, special needs adoption, domestic adoption, you name it I've looked into it.  I was on the Rainbow Kids website more often than I care to admit.  Then we moved out here to Idaho and somehow I discovered Reece's Rainbow.  Laying in bed at night I'd show Chris pictures and profiles of some of the waiting kids and he would always say "that's nice" or "wow tough break for that little guy".  He never took me seriously.  I remember the first time I saw Marissa's profile and those gorgeous eyes just spoke to me.  I really felt like I was looking at a picture of my own child.  I showed Chris her profile and he said "where in Eastern Europe?" since he lived in Siberia for a few years.  I emailed RR to find out.
    Then a few days later I got a reply and she said where she was located and asked where my husband had lived.  I told her and then explained that we were a military family and there was a good chance we'd only be stationed in Idaho for a year which wouldn't give us enough time to complete an adoption.  She replied a few days later, on the one day that Chris was out of town on a business trip and said "you can complete an Eastern European adoption in 9-12 months" and without being prompted to do so she included 5 or 6 pictures of Marissa and her medical history.
   My world literally stopped.  I bawled looking at the screen and seeing what I knew was my child in a far away land and wondering how I could get to her, how I could make this all happen.  I was heartsick that entire day.  I called my mom (Chris was unreachable) she was down (meaning ready to do whatever it took), I called my sister, she had the voice of reason and logic and said "you're already pregnant, why don't you finish what you started and then go find the needy children."  She was making sense but it wasn't an option in my mind.  I later told my husband this same thing "it is like someone tells you something that you didn't ask to hear but now that you know you absolutely have to act".  That's how I felt.  Very moved, very prompted and stubborn as I am, this was gonna happen.  So I went all day dreading Chris's reaction.  He was flying home late and wouldn't arrive til midnight.  I called him before he boarded and said "something happened".  He said "You decided to keep the purse?"  I'd bought myself a purse (which I never do) for my birthday and I was uncomfortable with what I'd paid.  I'm a second hand girl at heart but I thought for once in my life I'm gonna go out and buy the exact thing I want, no compromise!  "No, in fact I'm not keeping it, and here's why".  I told him about the email, the pictures, the medical info and how disgusting and heartsick I'd felt all day long.  He said the exact words my sister said "We're already pregnant, lets do this first and then we can go out and save the world.  There will always be needy kids." 
    Not what I wanted to hear -but- he agreed to talk to me about it when he got home.  Poor guy had been in Texas for an internship interview and had so much else on his mind!  September 12th.  That was the day.  So anyway, he gets home at midnight, I'm awake, of course and the discussion starts.  He repeats what he'd said earlier and I give him all my explanations as to why I can't just ignore this.  We go back and forth and then I pass him the laptop and say "okay, but will you look at the email?".  He looks, he reads, he scrolls through the pictures.  I freeze.  I wait.  I hold my breath hoping that some magic is happening within him.  He says nothing.  He reads again, scrolls again and then passes it back to me and says "Okay.  We can look into it." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   I could hold that key all day and it wouldn't express my joy.  I knew it.   I knew I wasn't crazy.  Yes the logic says "who adopts when they're pregnant?" but then as a parent you see the face and you know...that's our child.
   So the next day we had our agencies, sent our initial paperwork and started the journey.  I had to call Chris that next day and ask what he meant by "lets look into it" because I was about to cut some checks.  He said he was up for the challenge.  What a guy.
    Hard to believe that was less than a month ago.  It feels like we've been on this journey forever.  When I think back to the goals we set at the beginning of September I have to laugh.  I think 'keep track of our expenses" was on that list.  Haha!  We're certainly doing that now!
    I have to say it is wonderful to watch our families completely open up to the idea.  Some were dubious at first or thought I'd just fallen off my rocker or run away with another crazy idea -which I do, I can understand why they'd think that, but this is different and I think they feel it too.  She's just one of us, one of ours and just as if someone kidnapped one of my boys and then emailed me their picture with a 30,000 dollar ransom note, I'd find the money and get my baby back.  So for you little lady, I'll get the money, I'll sign the forms, and I'll be there with open arms (or hand, or smile, whatever you're comfortable with) and I'll bring you home.  And just because I love you SOOO much I'll even grow you a sister while I'm doing it.
We love you little lady, we're so glad we found you and we can't wait to have you.  One day closer...